As a modern women who never seems to get everything done, I know the stress when you’ve over-promised the world, and now you have to deliver. I could stop this blog right there because the lesson is to manage expectations and time from the get go.
In the modern world, everything is so freaking fast! What we need to do is set expectations, yes, (for ourselves and to others), but also slow time. What in the world are we talking about? Not possible you say?
What if we said we had cracked the code on how to slow time? Would you be interested? Yes? It’s really simple and you can start now.
It’s by slowing down yourself. That’s it. And, miraculously, everything will still get done and magically fit into place. All you have to do is give each thing you do, the proper time to do it properly.
Next, simply do not respond to everything right away. Set your phone away from you while working so you don’t get tempted to scroll or text. Don’t respond to emails same day unless just to say “received.” You see the faster you respond, the faster the other person will respond. The faster and faster you go back and forth, the faster and more complicated you have just made your life. You can set the pace. It’s all within your own actions.
The tricky part is you’ll feel some guilt not responding right away sometimes. Try to move through it and remember that by you slowing down the time, you are also giving the other person the space to do the things that they need to do, or to contemplate their future moves. It is a service to someone else to give them space and time and refrain from a reactive relationship with them.
You might think it’s helping you to be Juanita on the Spot (ha, the female version we picked for Johnny on the Spot), but in reality, you’re setting yourself up for disaster. If you are super responsive all the time, then happen to get sick or need a vacation, the other person may have their expectations set unreasonably high, only to be disappointed when you are unable to respond during certain times (like a “down” week when you just don’t feel like yourself – it happens to us all).
So, what do you do when everything needs to be done now?
Prioritize and make space, even though it seems counter-productive. Do the biggest things first and send notes that you are working on things and got behind and most reasonable people will understand. They themselves have been in the same position at various times in their life, even if they wouldn’t dare admit it.
Also, ask for help. If stress, or an emotionally draining relationship, job, social anxiety, obsessive thoughts or painful memories are keeping you from being focused on what you need to be, counseling, especially EMDR counseling, can help you re-organize your mind, priorities and life.
EMDR counseling is highly effective for stress management. Clients report feelings of relief, clarity and peace. EMDR therapy incorporates the mind and body to “unlearn” past negative coping technique and recreate positive experiences from damaging ones.
“Put simply, if you find something from your past continually showing up and messing up your present (such as relationships, family life, self-esteem, mood or career effectiveness), EMDR therapy can help put your past squarely in the past — thus setting you free from being so negatively impacted from previous life events.” – Jen Kilgo, Founder, Root Counseling
By retraining your brain, you may find that you have an easier time organizing your tasks and to-do’s. You also may find a sense of peace that allows you to finish projects more easily, verses starting many and finishing few. When everything has to be done at once, let’s too look at what you agreed to in the first place.
Saying no from the start and listening to your gut is essential to not let your list pile up, or end up taking on a project/friendship/relationship that you can tell right away will be draining or go against what you stand for. If you get any notion that hmmmm.. something’s not right, whatever you can… say no immediately.
What are some nice ways to say no?
- I apologize, but I can’t right now, I have too much in my plate, it wouldn’t be fair to you
- You know what, I will be honest with you, I don’t think I would be the best person for the job
- Sadly, I already have plans, but thank you for including me/asking me.
- No thank you, but it sounds lovely.
- I wish there were two of me!
Managing stress is a daily challenge, but starting off with only taking on as much as you can chew is a great first step. It’s so hard!! But, you can definitely do it and the more you practice (like everything!), you’ll get better and better and more natural too. You got this!
And, if you want help with stress management, or just need someone in your corner, consider scheduling a consultation with us! We are open-minded, supportive, spiritual without being “weird” and educated to help guide you towards awesome decisions, amazing life adventures and quality relationships.
Come meet us! Counseling is for anyone going through good times or hard times. Therapy is a great way to maintain your mental health. You can click here to schedule a consultation by phone. Talk soon!
