Self-esteem. Did you feel like you used to have a lot more than you do now? It’s like erosion. Little by little, life choices, relationships, jobs, family life… they can erode the person that we are inside, but only if we let it/them. You can, in fact, rebuild your self-esteem, yet it is hard once you’ve gotten to a certain level of feelings about yourself. It happens to all of us women in life. Especially when we’ve had a string of bad luck, our chemical balance is off, or we stop putting the love and care we all need back into ourselves.
“I feel worthless.”
Worth is by definition something that relies on something else. Worth, to whom? We need to start pointing our worth as defined by ourselves. Not by our boss’ definition, our partners’, or anyone else’s (except maybe our dog’s – they know the truth!!). But really, the only person we need to feel worthy to is ourselves, and everyone else can…. (insert your choice word) off. Because when you feel worthy to yourself, it has a truckle effect on everyone around you.
How can you find your self-worth again? Do things you love. Drink water. Take walks outside. Do your best. And know that doing your best is always just doing your best in the moment that you are in. It’s different every time. It doesn’t mean you have to win a marathon while in your cutest outfit every single day, no way. It just means that on that particular day, you did the best you could. Some days, that means you took a shower and managed not to snap on anyone. It’s called balance.
“Everything is going wrong. It’s all my fault.”
Not even close. You just have to ride the wave my sweet sister. Life is freaking hard!!! Like really hard. Ridiculously hard. And, sometimes, it’s like the ocean, we just get knocked down over, and over, and over, and…. You get the idea. But other days, the water is smooth, we get a sweet tan, and a delirious smile to boot! Remember that hard times are simply lessons and that if we hold on tight, we’ll get that rainbow after the storm. We just have to hold the heck on…. Really tight.
It’s not you, it’s life. Testing you perhaps, but you got this. You can’t blame yourself, because sometimes things happen for seemingly no reason. Then, ten years later, we’re like ohhhhhhhh….. maybe that was why dude cheated on me, or I got fired, or why I failed at x, y, z, to protect you or guide you into something else amazing. Sometimes the big picture takes a while to form.
“I’m not as cool/pretty/perfect/successful as __________ . “
Oh this one… guys! I mean ladies…. (I mostly work with women in my counseling practice), people always try to put their best foot forward and you have no idea what is going on in their lives. I promise you that nothing is as perfect as it seems and comparing yourself does absolutely nothing for your self-esteem. In fact, it can just crush that self-esteem so there is no esteem at all for yourself, and I can’t recommend against it more strongly.
Not to mention that perfectionism is stressful indeed. If there is someone out there who seems perfect all the time, know that they may be reading this article too and experiencing the same lack of self-esteem that you feel right now. Perception is just that. Don’t compare yourself, you are unique and so if everyone else. We’re all just a bunch of humans trying to figure it out. And hint: no one has it figured out. We’re all lifelong learners of life. Promise.
Self-Esteem Counseling Can Help
What better place to work on your self-esteem than in counseling? It’s private, and your counselor is rooting for you! Yes, I stuck that in there for Root Counseling because it’s important to know that your therapist is your advocate and we are here as counselors to help you regain your self-esteem back to a place that it used to be, or take it somewhere new. Because you, my dear, are important and WORTHY of everything that life has to offer you. If you have been feeling “less than” lately, consider a quick and complimentary call to see if self-esteem therapy at Root Counseling in Denver is a good fit for you. Just click here to start.